So about 2 weeks ago I realized how far in I was with every thing I shouldn't be. After I stopped cutting in march. I was still smoking, and that was my basic everyday stress reliever. I live with a house full of smokers. My dad, my stepmom, my sister, and my brother, and basically anyone else who comes through the door. Although I also live with half of them who also do more. Such as weed and pills and everything else. For me cutting went to smoking, smoking led to weed, weed led to pills, and that led to drinking, and then more hardcore drugs, this coming from a girl who not only promised everyone around her she would never start that but also herself. I broke that promise, I prayed to God to just take everything away, my life my friends my family.. Anything that was giving me access to these things. First he took away my brother, he was kicked out. Which was the thing i was most happy about after everything he had done with me i couldn't stand seeing him everyday. Next was my life. I got grounded until summer. No phone, no guitar, no stereo, no bibles, no shows till i'm 18, no church till i move out. Alls i have is work and school. i started cutting again which is the stupidest thing i could ever do. Then i realized I just can't if my parents found out again they wouldn't kick me out they would send me away. So, now they gave me my phone back but that's it i have no emotional outlet because they took my music, every possible access to it all. Which is the worst thing possible other then my bibles, I have to go to sleep every night based on my willingness in prayer, and I try so hard. So now all I have to do is take what I have and go from there.

"although I am trying I'm not like Christ at all" -abel
soo goood.